On the Eve of my 30th…

I have never been one to celebrate my birthday.  At least – not in a big way.  But there were a few.

16th:  My husband (then boyfriend) threw me a surprise party at his family home.  He made me a video collage of photos he had borrowed from my mother from birth until high school and we all watched it.  It was beautiful.

19th:  My husband (then boyfriend) saved money and got me one ticket (they were very expensive) to see Barbra Streisand – my favorite.  I think his selflessness was better than the concert – and the concert was fantastic.

21st:  My husband (then boyfriend – seeing a trend?) planned a weekend away in Atlantic City.  It was wonderful.

In recent years I stopped celebrating my birthday and my husband’s birthday became big affairs.  For his 30th I thought of a 30 for 30 idea where people would attend, pay $30 that would go to a cause and enjoy food and drinks on us.  He is an elected official and the turnout was great and we raised thousands of dollars for a good cause.  I decided sometime in June that I wanted to do something big for my 30th birthday – possibly a fundraiser as well.

But, July 16th happened.
So, on the eve of my 30th birthday, I mourned the two month anniversary of our separation.
On the eve of my 30th birthday, I went to the bank and took my portion of the money in our joint checking and opened my own bank account – he had done the same the day before.
On the eve of my 30th birthday, I went apartment hunting with my mom.
On the eve of my 30th birthday, I bought a new dress to wear to work on my birthday.
On the eve of my 30th birthday, I made a bet with myself about whether or not my husband would wish me a happy birthday.
On the eve of my 30th birthday, I cried for the first time in weeks.
And though I went out for drinks with friends and family and celebrated in a small way, on the eve of my 30th birthday I could not help but think of all the things I would not get to do and all the setbacks I was now facing.
So, on the eve of my 30th birthday, I prepared for life without my husband –  the person I had spent the last 15 birthdays with.
And on the eve of my 30th birthday, I wrote a blog post about the eve of my 30th birthday, because even though this isn’t the big celebration I imagined – big things have happened.